insomnia rules my life

i don't get tired anymore. at least not at night. i don't know when and why my internal clock decided to go and switch on me, but it has and i don't know how to switch it back.

i'm thinking of making a train-of-thought video in which i just say "penis" over and over. so many hits.

i was studying my psychology when out of nowhere i leaned back, stared at the ceiling and said "oh my god. i am so unhappy." just an incredulous realization rather than a depressed statement. i really am unhappy. my life is so...there is no word for it. it's so stagnent, repetitive. i don't know how to change it, if i should move or get a hobby or just grow up and deal with it. i'm just so bored all the time, and in that boredom i remember better times when i thought i was happy and then in turn remember how/why those happy times aren't around anymore. then i get really depressed and masturbate myself into sweating, teeth-grinding oblivion.

i don't think i could ever be a lesbian, but i think if the right girl came along, i'd certainly take advantage of the situation. just throwing that out there.

i need a vacation. i need to get drunk and have sex. i need to sin. i need Valdosta. i need Michael to want me again. i need the ocean. i need money. i need a job. i need acceptance. i need things to be easier. i need good cock. i need good kisses. i need to talk about something meaningful. i need someone to tell me they love me. i need to be held. i need bookshelves. i need Tom to be single. i need someone to need me.