although truthfully i could leave now if i wanted to. but somehow cheating on Ruby with this smooth new Gateway laptop just feels too good. (note: adjusting to a borrowed keyboard is just as befuddling as adjusting to a new lover.)
i had a realization today, and not one that i particularly liked. for some reason, it popped into my head that every dude i've shared my earthly delights with has repulsed me in some way. not anything that was necessarily a deal-breaker, but just some small little quirk (i.e., weird laugh, creepy smile, Down's syndrome head, etc) that literally made my stomach roll. but at the time of being in these relationships, i overlooked it, mostly because i was so caught up in the bliss of "SOMEONE'S PAYING ATTENTION TO ME!!!!" but now, looking back, i begin to wonder if it's a psychological thing...maybe something's built in me to automatically find men disgusting...then again, it could just be that my track record is just lined up with gross guys.
i pay attention in class, i really do. just because i have scenes of raunchy scream-sex going on in my head doesn't mean i'm not absorbing anything.
also: i want a screamer. the guys i've had were too quiet. i want him to come to fruition with his mouth agape and roars of stress and pleasure peeling out of it. i want to understand every nuance of his orgasm. just a little fantasy of mine.
i finally did it. i finished Diablo Cody's Pussy Ranch blog. now onto her Myspace blog. and i still don't know what happened between her and her ex-husband Jonny, but it makes me sad.
fuck this. i'm cutting out 6 minutes early.
FYI: Killola is my new favorite band.
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