i have always had an intense burning obsessive self-destructive passion for theater. since my debut in a junior production of Annie when i was 8 years old, i have loved musical theater with all the adoration and pain of any deep-set crush.
yes, dear reader, i may love theater but it certainly doesn't seem to love me back. or, if it does, it doesn't show it because it only calls me late at night and hangs out where we won't be seen together. i say this because in every audition i've ever been in, i've always been more or less overlooked. not unrightfully so, of course. a low alto singer like myself with a laundry list of insecurities doesn't really jump off a page among little charismatic sopranos.
i don't say this to whine, but instead to express my profound love of drama and musicals. i've never been picked first, and i may never be, but damned if i don't keep practicing. i memorize every song in my range, read monologues aloud with my own flair, and even attempt to dance (an attempt that is in vain because sadly, i will never be a dancer).
musical theater doesn't seem to ever notice my efforts, but i don't care. if there's one thing i know, it's unrequited love. and if i've learned anything from my past mistakes in that area (which i haven't) it's that you gotta take all that sorrow from being ignored and put it into trying even harder to get your love's attention. because you hold onto that dream that one day, he'll look your way and realize what a fool he's been and welcome you with open arms and a leading role.
it may never happen. it probably won't. i'll accept that Broadway will never love me back and move on with my life. but in the back of my mind, at the bottom of my heart, i will never stop getting butterflies when i think about it and all its glory, a world i can never have and is therefore made all the more beautiful.
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