the wonderful world of sex shops

visiting a sex store is always an experience. it is a venture involving laughter, curiosity, and the occasional scream of horror. not much can recapture the wonder of a toy store like an adult toy store. and since i am a constant observer and commentator on the things around me, i would like to list a few interesting things i've noticed about sex stores (besides the extensive collection of dildoes on the back wall).

1. the staff are always a pretty enthusiastic bunch. they make you feel welcome in this wonderland of porn and bondage gear. and although the whole "testing of the product in order for full customer service" exchange at the time of purchase is appreciated and sensible, nothing is more humbling than holding a heavily buzzing 7-inch G-spot tickler (that only takes C batteries fyi) while the guy behind the counter goes through each setting to make sure it's gonna "do the job" for me...with everyone watching.

2. i've never said "how do they come up with this?" as many times as i have within the walls of a sex store. i actually saw a contraption that is essentially a dildo chin strap for MAXIMUM enjoyment during oral sex on a female. that's right, kids. it's a strap-on for your head.

3. i always enjoy have conversations of preference: "well this one looks cool, but i'm not sure about the vinyl material. i mean, i'm sure it's more realistic and such, but dog hair sticks to it like a motherfucker."

4. blow up dolls are scary. period.

5. i like any store where i can buy a vibrator, incense, and ninja weapons all at the same place.

6. if you're unaware, it's technically illegal to sell sex toys in Georgia. the way all these sex stores get away with it is that instead of calling them what they are, they are classified as "novelty toys" or "massagers." there are even signs declaring that the toys are just to be used as novelty items and are not intended for stimulation of genetalia. i understand the technicalities, but honestly, who are they fooling? it's like this big "wink wink hush hush" operation that seems so ridiculous.

if you've never been to a sex store, i suggest working up your nerve, rounding up a few open-minded friends and making a visit. it's always an entertaining experience, believe me.